Homesick

When I was young I used to hear the word homesick and think: somebody misses their house. They miss their bed. Their sheets. Their pillows. Their own space. And in some instances, I may have been correct. But, looking back now and knowing what I know, more often then not I bet it wasn't physical objects at all that they missed. I bet they missed the people and the feelings and the comfort of their own home. The love that Mom and Dad gave them before they crawled into bed, the happiness they felt when they got to sit around the dinner table with each of their family members, laughing until their faces hurt with their siblings.

As I've grown up, I've become more and more convinced that people can be miserably homesick in the place they call their physical home. And, in my case, that people can become homesick for a place that has no physical location at all- homesick for a feeling.

Lately I have been really missing Bozeman. Not the cold, small, lonely one-bedroom apartment I called my home when I lived there, but the feelings and happiness experienced during that season of my life. I find myself longing for things that, at the time were just day-to-day experiences. Trips to Costco, coffee at Homepage, a walk to campus through the snow. I find myself longing for a walk on Pete's hill, a trip to Kegy corner and a good service at Jouney Church. My heart deeply longs for the Christmas stroll, the late nights at Cheever hall and the fifth-night-in-a-row ham sandwiches with barbecue sauce and ketchup and a bowl of tomato soup. I'm keenly aware that if I were to return to Bozeman this wouldn't be what my life would look like anymore, yet I desire the experiences I endured during those times- homesick for a feeling.

"Enjoy the little things, because one day you will look back and realize they were the big things." There has never been a more truer statement for my current life situation than this one.n

The concept of home is where your heart is has taken on a whole new meaning for me. I've begun to experience the love of detestable places (Grand Forks, North Dakota) because my heart is most happy in that place. And I've learned that true happiness is achieved when we are not longing to be anywhere else but in the moment we are living. If we are longing for something, someone, or an experience- our hearts are not truly happy and we aren't home.  If we are drifting through life unhappy in our circumstances, not extracting joy from anything we are doing, then nowhere and nothing feels like home. You can end up in your comfortable, cozy, warm bed at night- but you don't feel home.

So I've been homesick. And I'm not sure for what, and I'm not sure for where, but my heart has felt homesick. Homesick for a feeling, for a new experience, homesick for my heart to be happy. Sometimes we just go through seasons of our lives where this is the case, and I'm experiencing a season...