The daunting task of applying for real-life, grown-up, you-studied-this-in-school-for-years jobs is now upon me. It's not only nerve wracking, scary or frightening it is downright terrifying. At least I'm thinking so as of late. Finally, 600 dollars, lots and lots of hours and months later I have completed all the necessary requirements needed to apply for a North Dakota teaching license. I sent off all the information in a packet this morning, and am patiently waiting to hear the wonderful news that I am a licensed teacher!
But- along with becoming licensed I also get the humongous task of searching, and searching and searching for jobs. Jobs that nearly 600 people apply for. Most of which never even get interviews, and dozens of people are interviewed for, most of which never actually get the job.
But a girl's gotta work, so I have to have faith. And faith I will have.
In addition to the job search, I have not been enjoying the many hours spent apart from my boyfriend while he is away for the week. If I didn't want to be a wife before, sleep next to him at night and wake up to him in the morning, I certainly do now. (We all know I wanted more than anything to be a wife before, so I guess I can only say you can about imagine where that leaves me now) But, I am trusting in God that he has a plan, and I will purge onward on all fronts- job, boyfriend and life.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Mixed emotions...
Question of the day (Or questions of the day).
-How can I be so excited about my future, yet so terrified about it at the same time?
-Why do I have a college degree yet feel like I do not actually know what I want to do with my life?
-How did December seem to be 2 days long and January seems to be 300?
-Why do I have such a burning desire to "start" my life when I should just know that this is my life?
-Why does my heart feel so discontent with my current life situation, and better-yet how do I fix that feeling?
-Why do I continually feel like I would absolutely love an office job where I sit at a desk and do something all day?
-How can I feel so physically exaushted when I have literally not worked out in weeks?
I need to find something that makes my heart stop stirring, and makes me feel consumed with happiness. I'll let you know when I do.
-How can I be so excited about my future, yet so terrified about it at the same time?
-Why do I have a college degree yet feel like I do not actually know what I want to do with my life?
-How did December seem to be 2 days long and January seems to be 300?
-Why do I have such a burning desire to "start" my life when I should just know that this is my life?
-Why does my heart feel so discontent with my current life situation, and better-yet how do I fix that feeling?
-Why do I continually feel like I would absolutely love an office job where I sit at a desk and do something all day?
-How can I feel so physically exaushted when I have literally not worked out in weeks?
I need to find something that makes my heart stop stirring, and makes me feel consumed with happiness. I'll let you know when I do.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Great Expectations.
Expectations.
The world is full of them. Jam. Packed. Full. Everyone has them. They have expectations for themselves, expectations for their children, their parents, their significant others, their friends, and the grocer who is bagging their food. We are constantly placed under expectations, from the moment we leave the womb until the time we die (give or take maybe a couple of years at the beginning and end of our lives). But expectations are hard. They are hard to have and they are hard to live up to.
We are in constant danger of letting ourselves down, letting others down, or being let down by others all because this one simple, yet complicated idea of desiring for others to act a certain way. Yet, as the world turns, they are an inevitable fact of life.
I'm trying to learn, as I grow older (and I can only hope a tad-bit wiser) how to stop myself from making expectations for other people. Or in the very least, how to give people the benefit of the doubt and some wiggle room when they don't meet my expectations. And it has been a hard road, and I suspect it will be a hard road for the rest of my life as I try to let-go of what I hope others might be, do or say. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect people to dote on my every need, or meet my every desire- but I often have high hopes for people. I often believe people will perform up to the highest level of ability, pull through on each task at hand and do exactly the right thing at the right time. This, however, is taking steak in the fact that my expectations for these people are exactly what their expectations are for themselves- a horrifically false and disappointing belief.
Some parents don't care if their children are spoiled- they call it dearly loved. Some teachers don't care if you have a life outside of school, or if you have 4 hours of reading in every class- they call it doing their job. Some children don't care if you want them to complete a task- they have their own task in mind. Some cashiers aren't doing their job to make their day better- they are doing it to put money in their pockets. So to believe that what we expect out of people is going to be what they deliver set's us up for utter failure.
Yet how do we cope with this failure day-in and day-out. How do we live with the fact that our parameters don't match up with the parameters others have set, yet still live a happy and fulfilling life. I'm still figuring that one out... It's an uphill battle we call life- and if I ever do come across a viable solution, I'd be happy to share it with the many, many others in this world who are searching as well.
The world is full of them. Jam. Packed. Full. Everyone has them. They have expectations for themselves, expectations for their children, their parents, their significant others, their friends, and the grocer who is bagging their food. We are constantly placed under expectations, from the moment we leave the womb until the time we die (give or take maybe a couple of years at the beginning and end of our lives). But expectations are hard. They are hard to have and they are hard to live up to.
We are in constant danger of letting ourselves down, letting others down, or being let down by others all because this one simple, yet complicated idea of desiring for others to act a certain way. Yet, as the world turns, they are an inevitable fact of life.
I'm trying to learn, as I grow older (and I can only hope a tad-bit wiser) how to stop myself from making expectations for other people. Or in the very least, how to give people the benefit of the doubt and some wiggle room when they don't meet my expectations. And it has been a hard road, and I suspect it will be a hard road for the rest of my life as I try to let-go of what I hope others might be, do or say. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect people to dote on my every need, or meet my every desire- but I often have high hopes for people. I often believe people will perform up to the highest level of ability, pull through on each task at hand and do exactly the right thing at the right time. This, however, is taking steak in the fact that my expectations for these people are exactly what their expectations are for themselves- a horrifically false and disappointing belief.
Some parents don't care if their children are spoiled- they call it dearly loved. Some teachers don't care if you have a life outside of school, or if you have 4 hours of reading in every class- they call it doing their job. Some children don't care if you want them to complete a task- they have their own task in mind. Some cashiers aren't doing their job to make their day better- they are doing it to put money in their pockets. So to believe that what we expect out of people is going to be what they deliver set's us up for utter failure.
Yet how do we cope with this failure day-in and day-out. How do we live with the fact that our parameters don't match up with the parameters others have set, yet still live a happy and fulfilling life. I'm still figuring that one out... It's an uphill battle we call life- and if I ever do come across a viable solution, I'd be happy to share it with the many, many others in this world who are searching as well.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Live in the moment?
Many people make it a point to throw out and around the advice "Live in the moment, love every moment of your life, choose to be happy with what you're doing when you are doing it, enjoy every day- each day, and smile frequently". I have, probably on more frequent occasions then I dare to admit, thrown around that advice. And not only have I thrown around that advice, but I have latched onto it like a leech in an attempt to be completely and utterly happy. I have found myself hanging on the last fraying thread of some days yelling at myself in my head of course ENJOY THE MOMENT, THIS IS YOUR LIFE, CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY!
Don't get me wrong, I think that happiness is of extreme importance. So important, in fact, that I have urged every single viewer of this blog to figure out what in life would make them completely happy- and to go for it. But I have, as of late, come to the conclusion that it is not always realistic to live in every moment of our lives completely enjoying them. In fact, I think we all live moments of our lives where we have come to the end of all we feel we can manage, and we want to scream I GIVE UP, I CAN'T DO THIS! And I'm here to say I think that it is perfectly okay to feel that way.
I recently read an article by a Mom who talked about this very idea. She shared how people frequently tell her to seize the day of her children being little, because all too soon they will be grown and gone. And, although I believe it is good advice at it's core, I think it leaves far too many women- far too many people in general- feeling like complete failures.
We live in a fast-paced, over-demanding culture where, to get by, we must move 100 miles an minute, make 100 dollars a minute and complete 100 tasks a minute to be successful. In our culture we must continually strive to better ourselves, to put more money in our pockets, to complete more tasks, to move up in the workplace- just to survive. If we sit idly by, we will get eaten alive. And this same culture screams at us to ENJOY YOUR LIFE- LIVE IN THE MOMENT- LIVE FOR TODAY! We constantly and continually hear "It goes too fast, life goes way too fast." And I agree, it does. Seasons of our life are often over before we even realize they have begun. But I often find myself wondering if anybody realized that life goes too fast because we are constantly moving just to get by.
Think of the moments you hold most near and dear to you. The moments which you wish you could go back to and live in forever, and ever, and ever. Both of the moments that immediately came to my mind were the ones in which I was allowed- if only for a fleeting second- to slow down. Everyone in the moments with me was allowed the opportunity to just live for joy. No pressures, no fast-paced living, no task-completion-before-tomorrow. Just truly living. And those are the moments I "live in", the moments I soak up, the moments I love.
I'm making an effort, as my life continues to race by, and I continue to immediately jump to "I'm not happy, what do I do, I'm not loving every moment of every day, I need to make a change now!" to remember that it is okay to not be completely happy in the moment if the moment is leading to a lifetime of happiness. It is o.k. to not be completely enjoying this living, breathing moment when you're not wishing that life- as it is in this instance- would continue forever. Nothing is wrong with being in those moments and admitting to yourself that it isn't exactly where you want to be.
Because it is, in fact those not-so-great moments that cause us to thoroughly enjoy the moments we can bask in forever. Those moments of struggle that often lead us to a life of joy. So if, every now and then, you experience such a moment- don't fear. And don't beat yourself up over it either.
Don't get me wrong, I think that happiness is of extreme importance. So important, in fact, that I have urged every single viewer of this blog to figure out what in life would make them completely happy- and to go for it. But I have, as of late, come to the conclusion that it is not always realistic to live in every moment of our lives completely enjoying them. In fact, I think we all live moments of our lives where we have come to the end of all we feel we can manage, and we want to scream I GIVE UP, I CAN'T DO THIS! And I'm here to say I think that it is perfectly okay to feel that way.
I recently read an article by a Mom who talked about this very idea. She shared how people frequently tell her to seize the day of her children being little, because all too soon they will be grown and gone. And, although I believe it is good advice at it's core, I think it leaves far too many women- far too many people in general- feeling like complete failures.
We live in a fast-paced, over-demanding culture where, to get by, we must move 100 miles an minute, make 100 dollars a minute and complete 100 tasks a minute to be successful. In our culture we must continually strive to better ourselves, to put more money in our pockets, to complete more tasks, to move up in the workplace- just to survive. If we sit idly by, we will get eaten alive. And this same culture screams at us to ENJOY YOUR LIFE- LIVE IN THE MOMENT- LIVE FOR TODAY! We constantly and continually hear "It goes too fast, life goes way too fast." And I agree, it does. Seasons of our life are often over before we even realize they have begun. But I often find myself wondering if anybody realized that life goes too fast because we are constantly moving just to get by.
Think of the moments you hold most near and dear to you. The moments which you wish you could go back to and live in forever, and ever, and ever. Both of the moments that immediately came to my mind were the ones in which I was allowed- if only for a fleeting second- to slow down. Everyone in the moments with me was allowed the opportunity to just live for joy. No pressures, no fast-paced living, no task-completion-before-tomorrow. Just truly living. And those are the moments I "live in", the moments I soak up, the moments I love.
I'm making an effort, as my life continues to race by, and I continue to immediately jump to "I'm not happy, what do I do, I'm not loving every moment of every day, I need to make a change now!" to remember that it is okay to not be completely happy in the moment if the moment is leading to a lifetime of happiness. It is o.k. to not be completely enjoying this living, breathing moment when you're not wishing that life- as it is in this instance- would continue forever. Nothing is wrong with being in those moments and admitting to yourself that it isn't exactly where you want to be.
Because it is, in fact those not-so-great moments that cause us to thoroughly enjoy the moments we can bask in forever. Those moments of struggle that often lead us to a life of joy. So if, every now and then, you experience such a moment- don't fear. And don't beat yourself up over it either.
"Life's not always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride."
Monday, January 16, 2012
Love what you do. Do what you love.
What is your DREAM job?
I'm not talking about the job you think it feasible, or possible, or the major you chose that you are trying to talk yourself into believe is going to be wonderful, I'm talking about the job that comes to mind immediately when somebody asks your what you dream job is.
Lately I have been thinking about, pondering on and learning daily about the incredible importance to doing what you love, loving what you do and enjoying life on a daily basis. We, as Americans, work so many days of our lives that it is not only important, but crucial that we wake up every morning and genuinely look forward to going to work. I have often heard the quote "If you love what you do, you will not work a single day in your life." I believe that we should make it our goal to be that person. The person who radiates happiness because we love doing what we do every. single. day. Many, many many people get stuck doing something that they don't genuinely love because they wait far too long to make a change, until they feel like they can't.
So what is your "dream job?" And why aren't you doing it? As you are sitting here reading this, what would you love to wake up tomorrow and get paid to do? Whose job do you look to and think "I would love to have that job, if only I could have that job, I should have done something like that."? What are you waiting for?
Happiness is contagious. It's radiating. It spreads like a wildfire. It is healthy to be happy. If you love what you do you will have a healthy, happy family. You will have a happy husband, happy kids, happy friends, and a more complete life.
So what is it? Personally I would love to be a: wedding planner, a photographer, a card designer, and/or a writer. What is your DREAM, and what are you waiting for?
I'm not talking about the job you think it feasible, or possible, or the major you chose that you are trying to talk yourself into believe is going to be wonderful, I'm talking about the job that comes to mind immediately when somebody asks your what you dream job is.
Lately I have been thinking about, pondering on and learning daily about the incredible importance to doing what you love, loving what you do and enjoying life on a daily basis. We, as Americans, work so many days of our lives that it is not only important, but crucial that we wake up every morning and genuinely look forward to going to work. I have often heard the quote "If you love what you do, you will not work a single day in your life." I believe that we should make it our goal to be that person. The person who radiates happiness because we love doing what we do every. single. day. Many, many many people get stuck doing something that they don't genuinely love because they wait far too long to make a change, until they feel like they can't.
So what is your "dream job?" And why aren't you doing it? As you are sitting here reading this, what would you love to wake up tomorrow and get paid to do? Whose job do you look to and think "I would love to have that job, if only I could have that job, I should have done something like that."? What are you waiting for?
Happiness is contagious. It's radiating. It spreads like a wildfire. It is healthy to be happy. If you love what you do you will have a healthy, happy family. You will have a happy husband, happy kids, happy friends, and a more complete life.
So what is it? Personally I would love to be a: wedding planner, a photographer, a card designer, and/or a writer. What is your DREAM, and what are you waiting for?
Friday, January 13, 2012
Guard your heart...
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23
It is often not what we hear, but when we hear it that makes all the difference in the world. Proverbs 4:23. This verse is a verse I have heard several times in my life. It is a verse that is frequently repeated by advice givers, mentioned in sermons, and written in different readings. And over the course of my life I have heard it, and it has even been given to me as a piece of advice, yet I had never really taken it to heart. It wasn't until recently that hearing it brought on a whole new meaning.
I was listening to a podcast, and the pastor suggested that this verse could possibly be one of the most important verses in the bible. But why... So often in our society we are taught to monitor what we say, our thoughts, and how they are portrayed to others, however we are never really taught to monitor our heart- he suggested. We're not given the tools we need to stop and think about what is going on in our "heart". The figurative one that we all have, that emotion stems from.
And more-so than that, I think even if we do know what is going on in our hearts, we often ignore it.
It was after hearing that sermon, and simultaneously signing onto Facebook and seeing an incredibly interesting article that led me to really think about this verse.
The article stated that women are lead to believe, in our society, that we are crazy. That our emotions are crazy. Our feelings our crazy. What we do, say, think and feel... They're all crazy. They're unfounded. They're a dramatic reaction to a stimulus that needed no such reaction. And because we are taught to think that way about ourselves, in turn we learn to ignore what is really going on in our heart.
How sad. After digesting the information I had to sit back and take a deep breath. I had to mull over my thoughts, and really ask myself "What is going on in my heart? How is my heart?"
...And how is your heart doing today?... What is at the core of who you are? What makes you act and react, what drives your decisions or lack-there-of?... It's your heart. You deserve to keep it in the form it was given to you in- beautiful.
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