Whirlwind We Call Life

I've been missing-in-action for quite some time. Somewhere between the sunny days of summer when I had an abundance of me time and downtime, and the chilly days of fall- feeling swamped and overwhelmed with work, I fell off the face of the blog-world earth.

And I'm back. If only for a short time, I am back to tell you that life has taken so many unexpected, wonderful, and incredible turns.

I began my teaching career, and was immediately thrown right into the thick of it all. People can warn you, they can tell you what it will be like, they can even give you real-life accounts of the first year of teaching, but until you're sinking knee-deep into it, you will never really know exactly what it's like. It's full of emotion. Overwhelming emotion that, at times, consumes who you are as a being.  You go from mountain-top to Grand-Canyon-sized valleys and back in a matter of days. You're exhausted to the point where you collapse on your bed at home wondering how you're ever going to get up and do it all again tomorrow, and then you do. But the underlying tone of it all is this pure joy. At least for me it is. It's this unexplainable feeling of accomplishment, and excitement and relationship at the end of each day. It's this exhausted, I don't know how I'm going to go back but I want to type of feeling and it's so. darn. exciting. I can honestly and truly say, I love it. I absolutely love everything about it. What a blessing.

I am thoroughly convinced that the Man-Upstairs knew exactly what he was doing when he put it on my heart to be a teacher. Through all of my doubts, my regrets, my I-don't-know-if-this-is-what-I-was-meant-to-do's, through every night spent thinking about my other options, and every word uttered saying "I'll give it a try." He was looking down on me saying I know what I'm doing, Amber. I've got this. Just trust me. And although I will admit there were times I absolutely didn't trust him, didn't even trust myself, I stuck it out because I knew there must be a reason and a plan for my life far beyond what I could comprehend.

And I am so glad I did. I am incredibly happy. I genuinely love each and every one of my co-workers. I feel deeply blessed to work at the most amazing place on earth with a family- yes, a family- of people who are amazing individuals. And I care about my students far more than I ever thought I could, or would- but I do.

To top it all off, Rob finally popped the question. I am marrying my best friend. I knew this day would come, but I could have never imagined what it would be like when I could actually say those words.

So, in between every lesson-planning, worksheet-making, paper-correcting night, I am joyfully planning my wedding to the man of my dreams. And I'm sending up a lot of thank yous to the Big Guy for carefully crafting my life into something so beautiful, and more precisely planned out than this anal-planner of a girl could plan out herself.

Going, going... gone.

I'm creeping up quickly on the end of my summer. And although it is back-loaded with an abundance of exciting activities, I'm still appalled and slightly saddened by how fast it went. Surprise, surprise... I say that every year- and I have a feeling that will be the soundtrack of my every mid-August for the rest of my days.

As my classroom gets more and more put together I become increasingly excited about it, and ready to take on a load of kids. The walls are painted, signs are hung, desks are placed (including my own), and only minor details need to be hatched out before kids arrive- although each of those minor details tend to take 5 hours a shot- I think I can do it.  It has been quite the adventure already, and school hasn't even begun. I can't imagine the things I'm going to have to say about teaching once you throw 15 little ones into the mix, but all-in-all I'm so excited to be Ms. Henne, and to embark on that adventure with my students.

Less than two weeks left of nannying. Two weeks? What? How in the world did that happen? It's been a busy and splendid summer with the kids, and I am always so grateful that I get to be a part of their lives and watch them grow and change daily. It's a tough job at times, but so rewarding always. Little Lexi informed me the other day that "Amber, I know that if you and Rob had to be our parents, Rob would marry you really fast." In reference to a conversation about God-parents, who they were and what their purpose was. She was convinced that Rob and I are her God parents, because we're the parents that God gave her. My heart certainly did swell in that moment. 

Sun setting on the lake, wine, grilled perfection, warm weather, no bugs- Deciding to head out to the lake on Saturday for an evening together was the exact quality time that I needed this weekend with Rob. We had such a great time just enjoying each other's company, listening to the radio, eating dinner and watching the sun set on the lake. On Sunday we both even got a little bit of work done, while hanging out- what a way to do it!

And... tonight, TRAIN. I have never been a huge Train fan, although, as I looked at their playlist, I wondered why I haven't been more of one. They have an abundance of wonderful songs. Recently, my all-time favorite song is sung by them. And tonight I get to experience it all- live. So. Excited.

That teaching blog is still at the back of my mind. Now that I have before and after classroom pictures, I'm getting more and more anxious to get it rolling- but I still can't pull the trigger quite yet. It'll come soon.

Thanks for all your love.

Fly By Summers

The 4th of July has come and gone. Actually, the 4th of July flew by like a fence post out the window while driving down the interstate. It was here and gone that fast. It's hard to believe that summer is already half over. Where does time go, how does it go so fast? I just can't seem to ever wrap my mind around that concept of the 3 months between the end of May and the end of August seemingly taking a great deal longer than the three between Christmas and my birthday.

This summer has been a wonderful ride of memory making, and has graced me with several different emotions. Approaching the end of the summer I will begin my first real grown-up job, and I absolutely can't wait to see where that takes me. But with that excitement comes a great sense of anxiety- the room's not ready, I'm not ready, I have so much to do, so much to get in order- overwhelming to say the least. 

I know it will all work out wonderfully, and I'm trying to enjoy the last few weeks of off-the-hook freedom before I really have to buckle down and actually start stressing, but let's get real- I've been stressing since the day I signed my contract. Excited and nervous.

This weekend was another out-of-the-park, home run weekend of fun, adventure and excitement.Saturday was a beautiful 90 degree day, and I got to spend it at Pelican lake literally surrounded by people I love. What a blessing. There was a moment during the day when my Dad, my brother, Rob and his Dad were in the water swimming in the middle of the lake, and I stopped and said to myself "What a lucky, lucky girl I am."

I've been saying that a lot this summer- how blessed and lucky I am. Longtime friends, new friends, birth family, gained family (although not yet, technically), a boyfriend who is a best friend, a job, financial stability, and a whole lot of love in my life and in my heart. 

Switching gears completely- I'm finally going to bite the bullet and start my teaching blog. I think I have enough to say on the teaching front, enough to share, enough happening in my life that it is worth of a blog. But I need a name. I want a fun, creative, interesting, memorable name for my teaching blog. One that I can keep for a long, long while and not feel like I outgrow it. I need your help. What do you think?

Although not completely finished, I've made a lot of headway on my classroom. The walls all have at least one coat of fresh paint, and many are on their way to two fresh coats. I'm excited about how it's going to look when it's all said and done, and really thankful that I have amazing parents, a really, really great friend, and a boyfriend who have spent hours willing to help me out. 

Gratefully blessed.

I need to take a moment to talk about the power of really good friends. I decided to take a break this week from my second job, and focus on my social life, and renewing my spirit by spending time with the really important people in my life as well as catching up with the ones I can't physically spend time with. I was feeling a strong need for the presence of the people who make my life better by just being a part of it, and I knew that unless I made a point of purposefully blocking time out in my life to do it- it would be something that I would continue to lack.

Let me say at the end of this week I am feeling refreshed, renewed and really really blessed. I indulged in an evening on a long walk with a friend solving all of lifes problems like girls tend to do, spent an evening with my Mom chatting about life, showing her my classroom and running some errands together, got to hang out with a friend who I haven't had much contact with in the past 5 months and caught up like we had never missed a beat, and spent an evening with the three greatest girls I have ever known- ones who know me in and out, know who I am, and love me just the way I am.

And my head hit the pillow last night feeling so dang lucky for all the people that God has placed in my life. I feel like a new person this morning. Less stressed about the things to come, ready to take on the world because I know I have an army of lovely human beings by my side who will literally and emotionally help me through every step of the way. How so gracious I am.

Speaking of great friends- my three lovely best friends somehow agreed to come help me tape-up my classroom last night to prepare it for paint. In the midst of the listening to music, laughing, chatting and taping the hours flew and the taping was finished pain-free. Really. Great. Friends. I'm sure that taping off a room wasn't their idea of the most fun thing to do, but they willingly joined me, and helped relieve a lot of stress by just getting that done. We also decided to delve into the edging of the bottom half of my room, so I currently have a really messy classroom in which 3/4 of the bottom of the walls are edged with paint. It looks interesting to say the least, but it got me really excited to see how paint is going to trasform the classroom and make it my own. I documented with some before photos of the room, and some during the edging process, and will contiue to document as it continues to change into a colorful center for learning! I'm feeling the need to start that teaching blog soon to document my classroom transformation- watch for it, it will be coming!

If you are a part of my life- even in the least of ways- I want to say thank you for filling my heart with joy and giving me a sense of peace knowing there are so many people in the world who send thoughts and prayers my way. Know that I, too, often think of you and say a thankful prayer.

Overwhelmed and Overjoyed

I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed at the thoughts of... well, life.

While trying to be prepared to create an amazing classroom for my students, I have spent hours on Pinterest finding elaborate classroom set-ups and ideas. I love Pinterest. It's such a wonderful way to share ideas about everything and I feel like I am continually saying "Wow, what would I have done had I not known about that". It's fabulous that idea's that used to just be kept to the uber-creative are now out there for everyone to adapt. At the same time, I have been feeling like it has slightly overwhelmed my life. I find myself looking at several classrooms, homes and lives and saying "I want to do that, have that, make that, be that." and I pin it...

As I have re-looked over my Pinterest board I have found this ideal life that I have created in my mind. Everybody's super-organized, super-creative, uber-cute ideas combined into this idealistic life that I want. The ideal home, the ideal classroom, the idea lesson plans, the ideal wedding, the ides parenting strategies, tips and tricks, ideal wardrobe. I want it all, I want to do it all, and be it all- and it makes me feel so overwhelmed. How in the world am I supposed to do that?

Sometimes I feel like life would be easier if we weren't bombarded with the technology and ease-of-access to everyone else's lives. Sometimes I feel like it just contributes to our idea that our life isn't as good, or as successful or as fun or as ideal as someone else's. And now you don't even have to know the person to see their greatness. You can sign onto the computer and you are subject to millions of people who have more, make more, can do more. It's a blessing and a curse.

Don't get me wrong. You won't find me giving up Pinterest anytime soon. I feel like it has definitely added a lot of wonderfulness to my life, but there are times when I feel as though I am so completely in over my head and could never possible create the perfect life that I have created via Pinterest boards.

Relational.

I read a really great article this morning called "50 Ways to Inspire Your Husband". Hold the comments- I'm aware that I don't have a husband, but this article was so informative that I decided it was a must save for my future life. What it really did, though, is make me think a lot about why we are here, what it takes to have successful relationships, and what our purpose in life is.

We are relational beings. Whether we're loners, have a select group of friends, or are social butterflies who make contact with everyone we meet- we need relation with other human beings. It's the way we were created, it's how we are wired.

We, however, have a choice about the type of relationship we are going to keep with each person we welcome into our lives. Are going to love them, hate them, use them, uplift them? What are we going to do with the people who are walking along side us in this life.

For me it is about being the best I can be for each of those people. At times, my best may not measure up, it may not come close to the intention that the relationship was created for, and it may just fail- but deep down in my heart I have a yearning desire to be the best- wife, mom, teacher, friend- I can possibly be. I find myself continually reading books and articles, watching other's relationships and adjusting my sail accordingly. I believe that I have been put on this earth not to make more difficult the walk of others, but to enhance their path. And if I can, to make the way a little more desirable for them.

And- after reading an article about the importance of a color scheme in a classroom (no more than 3 colors are recommended in a single classroom setting, who would have known?)- I've decided what I'm going to do with my classroom. Or at least I've finally got a basis for what I'm going to build the rest of my decor around... Drum roll please... Green, Purple and Yellow. After a lot of thinking and experimenting with different colors, I have decided that those three are the most gender neutral, they're fun but not cliche, they're still within the color wheel so they're not hard to find and I just really like the combo. I'm excited to start doing it up!

Summer is in full swing. Back to my summer nanny job. Fried already. Looking forward to concerts and barbecues and lakes country and sun and friends.

What matters?

Don't strive to make your presence noticed, just your absence felt.

In a world that tells us to work hard, and work harder. To be the best, and then be better. To be the prettiest, and the nicest, and the smartest and the greatest. A world that continually tells us if you just had this, or owned this, or made this you'd be successful. In a world that emphasizes that we must put 100% of our energy into 100% of our commitments 100% of the time, we find that we can never keep up, let alone live up. Expectations surround us. People need us, want us, use us, abuse us- and everyone we come in contact with thinks that we should be giving out all to them. In a world where technology allows us to be reached morning, noon and night. Where if we don't check our e-mail over the weekend, our inbox has 100 new e-mails, all of which are the most important e-mail. In today's continually-demanding society, we must strive for balance. We must have a set of priorities and values and pre-set boundaries so that we don't get sucked into the me, me, me society that says it isn't okay to be selfish and take care of ourselves. 

No matter where you look you'll find that money matters- looks matter- material possessions matter. And in your head you will believe it. How can't you believe it, the world has been raising you with that mentality. You'll wish you had more money, you'll wish you had more stuff, you'll wish you were prettier, or smarter, or had someone else's job, someone else's house, someone else's children, someone else's life. It'll happen.

It's a sad, sad story. But it's the story of our lives. 

Lately I've been making a conscious choice that what is going to be important in my life will not be measured by the standards of this world. My salary, my house, my car, my job, my children's success, my husbands success... It will not be measured by what this world says is successful, important, worthy.

I'm here for a purpose, and a reason, and my life story is exactly the way it's supposed to be. The most important components of my life- love, gratitude, generosity, empathy, patience, faithfulness, hard work- those cannot be measured by the standards set by this world.  But at the end of my life, they will be what matters most.

What will make your absence felt, not your presence noticed? Who will feel your absence, not what will feel your absence. Is your life demonstrating that? Is your life striving towards that?

I'm trusting God to shape my heart to be a person who doesn't conform to the standards and successes of this world.