Overwhelmed and Overjoyed

I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed at the thoughts of... well, life.

While trying to be prepared to create an amazing classroom for my students, I have spent hours on Pinterest finding elaborate classroom set-ups and ideas. I love Pinterest. It's such a wonderful way to share ideas about everything and I feel like I am continually saying "Wow, what would I have done had I not known about that". It's fabulous that idea's that used to just be kept to the uber-creative are now out there for everyone to adapt. At the same time, I have been feeling like it has slightly overwhelmed my life. I find myself looking at several classrooms, homes and lives and saying "I want to do that, have that, make that, be that." and I pin it...

As I have re-looked over my Pinterest board I have found this ideal life that I have created in my mind. Everybody's super-organized, super-creative, uber-cute ideas combined into this idealistic life that I want. The ideal home, the ideal classroom, the idea lesson plans, the ideal wedding, the ides parenting strategies, tips and tricks, ideal wardrobe. I want it all, I want to do it all, and be it all- and it makes me feel so overwhelmed. How in the world am I supposed to do that?

Sometimes I feel like life would be easier if we weren't bombarded with the technology and ease-of-access to everyone else's lives. Sometimes I feel like it just contributes to our idea that our life isn't as good, or as successful or as fun or as ideal as someone else's. And now you don't even have to know the person to see their greatness. You can sign onto the computer and you are subject to millions of people who have more, make more, can do more. It's a blessing and a curse.

Don't get me wrong. You won't find me giving up Pinterest anytime soon. I feel like it has definitely added a lot of wonderfulness to my life, but there are times when I feel as though I am so completely in over my head and could never possible create the perfect life that I have created via Pinterest boards.

Relational.

I read a really great article this morning called "50 Ways to Inspire Your Husband". Hold the comments- I'm aware that I don't have a husband, but this article was so informative that I decided it was a must save for my future life. What it really did, though, is make me think a lot about why we are here, what it takes to have successful relationships, and what our purpose in life is.

We are relational beings. Whether we're loners, have a select group of friends, or are social butterflies who make contact with everyone we meet- we need relation with other human beings. It's the way we were created, it's how we are wired.

We, however, have a choice about the type of relationship we are going to keep with each person we welcome into our lives. Are going to love them, hate them, use them, uplift them? What are we going to do with the people who are walking along side us in this life.

For me it is about being the best I can be for each of those people. At times, my best may not measure up, it may not come close to the intention that the relationship was created for, and it may just fail- but deep down in my heart I have a yearning desire to be the best- wife, mom, teacher, friend- I can possibly be. I find myself continually reading books and articles, watching other's relationships and adjusting my sail accordingly. I believe that I have been put on this earth not to make more difficult the walk of others, but to enhance their path. And if I can, to make the way a little more desirable for them.

And- after reading an article about the importance of a color scheme in a classroom (no more than 3 colors are recommended in a single classroom setting, who would have known?)- I've decided what I'm going to do with my classroom. Or at least I've finally got a basis for what I'm going to build the rest of my decor around... Drum roll please... Green, Purple and Yellow. After a lot of thinking and experimenting with different colors, I have decided that those three are the most gender neutral, they're fun but not cliche, they're still within the color wheel so they're not hard to find and I just really like the combo. I'm excited to start doing it up!

Summer is in full swing. Back to my summer nanny job. Fried already. Looking forward to concerts and barbecues and lakes country and sun and friends.

What matters?

Don't strive to make your presence noticed, just your absence felt.

In a world that tells us to work hard, and work harder. To be the best, and then be better. To be the prettiest, and the nicest, and the smartest and the greatest. A world that continually tells us if you just had this, or owned this, or made this you'd be successful. In a world that emphasizes that we must put 100% of our energy into 100% of our commitments 100% of the time, we find that we can never keep up, let alone live up. Expectations surround us. People need us, want us, use us, abuse us- and everyone we come in contact with thinks that we should be giving out all to them. In a world where technology allows us to be reached morning, noon and night. Where if we don't check our e-mail over the weekend, our inbox has 100 new e-mails, all of which are the most important e-mail. In today's continually-demanding society, we must strive for balance. We must have a set of priorities and values and pre-set boundaries so that we don't get sucked into the me, me, me society that says it isn't okay to be selfish and take care of ourselves. 

No matter where you look you'll find that money matters- looks matter- material possessions matter. And in your head you will believe it. How can't you believe it, the world has been raising you with that mentality. You'll wish you had more money, you'll wish you had more stuff, you'll wish you were prettier, or smarter, or had someone else's job, someone else's house, someone else's children, someone else's life. It'll happen.

It's a sad, sad story. But it's the story of our lives. 

Lately I've been making a conscious choice that what is going to be important in my life will not be measured by the standards of this world. My salary, my house, my car, my job, my children's success, my husbands success... It will not be measured by what this world says is successful, important, worthy.

I'm here for a purpose, and a reason, and my life story is exactly the way it's supposed to be. The most important components of my life- love, gratitude, generosity, empathy, patience, faithfulness, hard work- those cannot be measured by the standards set by this world.  But at the end of my life, they will be what matters most.

What will make your absence felt, not your presence noticed? Who will feel your absence, not what will feel your absence. Is your life demonstrating that? Is your life striving towards that?

I'm trusting God to shape my heart to be a person who doesn't conform to the standards and successes of this world.

Inspired.

I got to see a really, really good friend last night that I hadn't seen in far too long. We laughed, we chatted, we hugged, we screamed, we talked about our lives, but most importantly we just got to enjoy each others company. Something we hadn't done in a long time- and it was wonderful.

And it got me to thinking. Really great people inspire you to be really great. Being in their presence inspires you to live life a little more happy. To accept your circumstances, and your blessings and your curses and to laugh about them, take them head on, and tell yourself this is my life, my one and only, beautiful and crazy and messed up and wonderful life. This. Is. It.

And what an inspiration it is to be in the presence of someone who makes you feel like you really can take life head on, no matter what circumstances life throws at you. It's really great to have a friend, or multiple friends, who give you that sense- that perspective on life.

And while we're talking about being inspired. How about the Fargo Marathon this weekend. That event is just so wonderful. People of literally all shapes, sizes, ages and backgrounds come out, and they set their minds to doing something, and they do it. And sitting at the finish line watching those peoples' dreams become reality is truly inspiring. How wonderful it is to be a part of something like that. I went to the kids mile run on Thursday night, and there are children, small, young children who are literally giving it everything they have to make it to the finish line- bound and determined to just finish the race. And then Saturday, watching the thousands upon thousands of people who are doing the exact same thing, bound and determined to just finish the race. I love it.

On that note, thank you to everyone who came out to cheer for the runners. Let me tell you, it is YOU who make the differences. It is YOU who tip the scales between finishing the race, and finishing well. It means more than you could really ever understand (until you're on the course running, being inspired by those who are on the sidelines).

Between the race, and some really wonderful people who have given me some really wonderful conversations in the past few days... I have been inspired to "run with perseverance the race marked out for me" literally and metaphorically speaking.

Saying Goodbye.

Some people despise cats, some are indifferent about cats, some tolerate cats, some love cats and some are crazy cat people. I'd say that, prior to owning the coolest cat in the world, I would have fallen somewhere between tolerating them and loving them. That was before Hootie came along.

Hootie was continually doing that to people- moving them up that scale. People who despised cats fell in love with his friendliness, his cuddliness and his way of purring his way into your lap- and heart. Many times, as a family we have talked about how Hootie might think he is a dog himself- begging, coming when you call, waiting at the door with his tail wagging. I've never met another cat quite like him.

Although I wouldn't say I am a crazy cat lady, I'm crazy about this cat. He is a lover. It doesn't matter how many times you pick him up and put him off your lap, he's right back in it purring and looking at you for more petting. Hootie's a constant. He's predictable. You know he'll be waiting outside your shut bedroom door in the morning for some love. You know he'll be at your feet if you're gathered in the kitchen, and on your lap if you're gathered in the living room. He loves to be a part of the family, and a part of the family is exactly what he was.

So it was with extreme sadness in my heart that I left my house this morning and said my final, last goodbye to Hootie. I pet his soft fur, and heard him purr one last time. I held him in my hands and I told him "You're the best they ever come, buddy." and I meant it. I've never met a more personable cat. After 12 years of healthy life, he suddenly stopped eating on Saturday, threw up a couple times on Sunday, and at the vet on Monday they said his kidneys were failing and that he'd have to put down, today he will make his final journey in the car, and he'll live on in our hearts.

Pets become a part of our families. We fall in love with them, and they love us back- unconditionally, whole-heatedly and without fail. They don't let us down. They don't easily anger (at least Hootie didn't, he tolerated absolutely anything), and they excitedly anticipate our arrival, our cuddles and our attention.

I'm trying to keep it all in perspective- I know, afterall, that my family is healthy, my friends are healthy, and there are many, many people in worse off situations then my own. By I can't help brokenheartedly write about the memories of an unconditional best friend.

I love you Hootie. Thanks for being the best animal-friend a person could ever ask for.

Kids.

Remember the last post when I said that kids continually keep you laughing. Well, I couldn't have set myself up better, because today was one of those days. I laughed. I laughed hard. Multiple times. 

"Did you know we're starting to get poor again?"

"You are?"

"Yeah, we don't have hot dogs or whipped cream."

"We're going to get a dog someday when Riley learns how to not cry when it dies."

Oh what a joy it is.

All things teacher.

Lately I've been obsessing over all things teacher. From classroom signs, to organizational binders, to lesson ideas- pinterest, blogs and the internet in general has gotten the best of me. It's been so much fun to begin looking for a particular grade, and to visualize my classroom when I know what the actual space will look like. Of course, I've got visions of a place so wonderful it would only happen on a movie set, but I'll do what I can. It's still hard to believe that I get my very own classroom and set of kiddos- and looking at the standards gives me an overwhelming sense of excitement about the knowledge I get to instill in these youngsters. Through my teacher-obsession I've learned three things 1.) There is an abundance of information that 3rd graders need to learn-eeeek! 2.) There are tons of teachers out there who are incredibly creative, but teaching takes an incredible amount of organization (this is coming from the anally-organized person I am) 3.) You could spend SO MUCH money on teaching. I am convinced that it would be so easy to spend more than you make on teaching. Yikes. I better be careful.

I'm trying not to stress too much already about the upcoming school year, I don't need to be an uber-stressed out human being for 3 months before school starts...

I'm going to attempt to make a teaching blog once the year begins. I know I'll be so busy that it may be impossible to keep it up, but watch for it this fall. I'm excited to share my adventures with all of you. I also made a classroom website for my parents and teacher- it'll be fun to see how that evolves throughout my career as well.

I've been having a lot of fun at my job lately. The girls have really warmed up to me, and I've started to love being a part of their lives. It's crazy how children just have a way of inching their way into your heart- and these three have certainly done that. I spend a lot of my day running around, picking up, but most importantly laughing. It's a lot of fun. Children are truly a joy- it's hard to be around them and not laugh.

I've had such a sociable week this week- and it's been really good therapy for the heart. Seeing friends, having good chats and catching up on other people's lives give me a great feeling that I am not alone in this life. How wonderful is that?