Miss. Henne

Well, here I am, back in Bozeman Montana. It's beautiful here. I forget just how amazing it really is, until I point my car west and take in all the sites, the beauty of the snow-topped mountains, the green rolling foothills that continue on forever, the quaint downtown life, the bustling people walking, biking, running and enjoying the sun and the views. This town is wonderful. But it's not home. And, I am always torn when coming here about where I really want to be. Could I take all the character of this town, combine it with all the family, friends and jobs of Moorhead, and live in that place?

Tomorrow I will walk across the stage. I will officially become a college graduate. Earlier this week I received my degree in the mail "Amber Anne Henne, Bachelor of Science". It's all becoming official, life is becoming officially official. In one week I accepted a teaching job, received my diploma, and will walk across the stage to commence my life as a college student. It's all so exciting, it happened so fast, and I feel incredibly blessed that everything worked the way it did.

And I'm SO excited to be a third grade teacher. Miss Henne, I love the sound of it. I have been staying up late just thinking and preparing and dreaming about my classroom, students and lessons for next year. It feels so good to actually have a plan for my career future, and I feel so much less anxiety when I think about teaching. Here comes way too much anal organization, color-coding, classroom decor, planning, crafting and creating a wonderful learning environment!

He does have a plan for our lives. I'm seeing prayers answered, plans fall into place, and life taking shape- maybe not all on my time, but on His time, the best time.

Romantic

Adele Pandora station. Scrabble. A walk in the rain witnessing a double rainbow. Cooking a pesto cavatapi meal. A glass of wine. Lindo truffle. My boy. Life could pause in this moment and I wouldn't be mad- although that's not entirely true because a lot of pieces of my life are spiking the desire for my life to move forward. SURPRISE.


Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe. And have faith that everything will work out for the best.

Life's Paths

I often look back and think how did I get to where I am today.  There are times in my life when I just stop and say to myself so many roads, so many people, so many decisions have brought me to this place in my life. And I'm writing my book daily.  Although the current chapter may not be the most exciting chapter in my book called life, it is an essential part of the plot, and will be my vehicle to another plot-determining page.

I am a count-down girl. I count down the days, the hours, the minutes to everything. Whether it is a big life-event or a small piece of my daily life I am continually counting down. When will I be off work. When will this run be over. When will I get to go to bed. and the biggest count-down as of late How many days until I get to see Rob. Sometimes I feel like my life is a continual countdown- and it is only during my weekends spent really enjoying my life that instead of counting-down I just live in the moment. I fill my days with activities to pass the time, to make my count-down go faster, until of course the event happens and I want to freeze time to enjoy the moment forever. And then I start all over. I have frequently told myself lately that I will be so grateful and happy when I am living my life with the one I love, waking up and going to work each morning, knowing what I will be doing, and having the chance to enjoy my everyday. But what about today? What about these years I am currently living. They are crucial pieces of my life- and to just drift through would be a waste of the precious time I have on this earth. Although I know that I will thoroughly enjoy my life when I have the chance to do that- I know I must also take the opportunity to enjoy my not-so-ideal life "as is" right now.

I have been spending a great deal of time in the past couple weeks applying for teaching jobs. Answering questions. Filling out applications. Perfecting my resume. Writing cover letters. And doing it all over again district after district. I spend hours trying to figure out how to best present myself on a piece of paper- to make myself stand out among hundreds of people using a few short words. And as I submit each application, along with a sense of relief that it is finally done comes a huge feeling of fear. "What if I don't get a job, what if I have to sub for years, it's a huge shot in the dark to be 1 applicant in 800, how will I ever "get my foot in the door" when thousands of other people are trying too. It's terrifying.

For a person with a completely filled out planner, daily events, monthly events and yearly events in color coded coordination- my life feels a little chaotic, and completely out of my control. I don't know where I will be next year, I don't know what I will be doing, I don't know how long Rob and I will be doing long distance, I don't know when I'll get married- or if (although I hope that's not the case), I don't know how long I'll call Moorhead home- and more importantly how long I'll call Mom and Dad's home. It feels out-of-control at times. Yet I continually remind myself that out-of-control is good. And that I don't need to have all the knowledge of my future, maybe its God's way of telling me that I need to just let go and trust him.

In just a few short weeks I will be returning to Montana State University to walk across the stage and receive my diploma. It will symbolically represent the end of an era, and the beginning of yet another. I will accept that piece of paper that will determine the rest of my life. And I will be proud knowing I worked hard for it.  And then I will come back to Moorhead and I will continue to work hard in hopes that- whatever God may have in store for me- will be accomplished.

And my current obsessions: Mint Sorbet Nail Polish and Shutterfly's wonderful giveaways.

Thank You!

How wonderful it is to feel an abundance of love from so many people. My birthday was a huge success! So many people went out of their way to make me feel special- what a blessing. I also got to enjoy my evening at the amazing Tuscana restaurant with my aunt, my parents, Rob's parents and Rob, and finished the night with some free Tutti Frutti ice cream.

Thank you for taking the time to send birthday wishes my way!

I can tell that we are going to be friends...

After a week of some quality conversations with friends- I'm reflecting on how blessed I am to have so many wonderful human beings in my life. People who are genuinely friends- kind, caring, loving individuals who have the best interest of others in mind when they make decisions in their lives. Completely unselfish women and men who I am certain would be there at the drop of a hat if I ever needed them. And I am blessed. I leaves me almost speechless to think about how truly lucky I am. Many people in this world don't have a single soul they know they could count on. If something went terribly awry in their lives, if their worlds crumbled from underneath them, and they hit rock bottom- they wouldn't have one single person to turn to, and I am blessed with not one but many.

These kinds of friendships are what keep my world in motion. To me, there is nothing greater, nothing more important than a relationship with another human being- after all, what else will we leave when we leave this earth but the love we have given to others?

On this eve of my birthday- I want to say Thank You, actually, I want to say more than "thank you" because my gratitude is beyond words, to all the people in my life who have blessed me with their love. It truly is the best gift I never asked for, but so graciously received.

I love my life because of the ones in it.

 
Thanks to social media I have been thinking a lot lately about what makes a friend and the people who are brought into your life.  There are so many people that I feel like I know simply because I am a part of their lives on 1 or 2 or 3 different social media sites. I know what is going on in their lives, I know what they like, I know what they enjoy doing, and how they spend their time, I know their thoughts. And that sounds really creepy, which, I suppose it kind of is- but that's what social media is these days. We let people into our lives on a different level. However, through this feeling I have experienced of relating to people whom I have previously had little insight to their lives, their thoughts and their hobbies, I have felt more and more like I would love to be friends with so many people I barely know.

Call me strange, but that's just the way it is.

Sending lots of love tonight to so many people who have walked a step (or a few million steps) of my life with me.

I've Got Things to Do Before I Die

I was inspired last night by a friend to re-read and update my bucket list. Below you will find some important to-do's on my on-going, ever-changing life to-do list:


- My number one goal in all of these is that I have a photograph from the event while it is being checked off my list.


- See the Olympics live
- Change someone's life for the better
- Write a book, get it published
- Paint all the walls in a room, full of quotes
- Have a picnic at the top of a mountain and spend lots of time just taking in the view
- Have children and raise a family
- Run a marathon
- Learn how to dance
- Be genuinely surprised
- Have the wedding of my dreams
- Be someone's role model
- Drive completely across the country, or totally down the east or west coast
- See the world:
   --Seattle
   --New York
   --Boston
   --Portland
   --Carolinas
   --Ireland
   --Greece
   --London
   --Italian Countryside
   --Santa Lucia
   --Australia
   --Switzerland
   --Scotland
   --Washington DC
   --Chicago 

- Live in the mountains
- Be in the background of a movie
- See a waterfall

- Spend a week relaxing on the beach with good girlfriends

- Spend a week relaxing on the beach with my love

- Go skydiving
- Hike up a mountain
- Sleep under the stars, no tent or anything
- Write a heartfelt letter to everyone I love
- Be in a wedding
- Write my own vows
- Have a job that I absolutely love going to every single day
- Leave a legacy on the world somehow
- See Paris
- Spend a week camping with no technology, only people.
- Send someone flowers for no reason
- Give my parents something in return for their unfailing love
- Make a scrapbook with a story, full of black and white pictures
- Witness a proposal
- Watch the sun rise or set on the ocean
- Spend a whole night dancing
- Crochet a blanket
- Learn how to quilt
- Learn how to say "I love you" in 15 different languages
- See Italy
- Cry tears of joy
- See a broadway play
- Marry my best friend
- Sleep in a hammock
- Spend a whole day in bed with someone from sun up to sun down
- Ride a train
- Eat a large Dairy Queen Blizzard all by myself
- Dance in the rain
- Dance under the stars
- Dance in the kitchen
- Have a mud fight
- Go to a drive in movie
- Sit in an airport for a day and watch people reunite
- Have a 'movie like' reunion with someone
- Visit Niagra Falls
- Own a house
- Learn how to play the guitar
- Read the bible from cover to cover
- Miss someone so much it hurts
- Drive all night long
- Write a song
- Work at a coffee shop
- Be someone's God mother
- Successfully journal every day for a year
-Take a photo every day for year
- Live on nothing but love
- Help someone in desperate need
- Get/give 8 hugs a day for a week
              -A month
              -A year

- Plan a wedding for somebody

- Feel confident about my creativity and use it for the benefit of others (Photography, projects, organization, etc.)

Passionate

If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life.


It's like a ton of bricks hit me. A quote I have heard a thousand times. I believe that people began spewing this advice into my ears the minute I had my future in my hands and had to "make a decision" about what to do with it.

I often wonder why, at age 18- when we are as freshly adults as a 1 day old baby is out of the womb- we are asked to make a decision about what we want to do for the rest of our lives. Heck, within a year we are supposed to decide a college and declare a major, and from that moment on we are married to the chosen profession. My freshman year was filled with so much change I oftentimes wonder how I survived. My freshman year of college could have gone down in the books as a year of learning, without me ever stepping foot into a classroom. I learned more about life in that year than I ever knew existed prior to that year. Yet- in that same year of change I was expected to decide what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. And decide I did... It was exactly 10 days into second semester, something to the likes of January 17th. I was fresh off of a wonderful, fun-filled, desperately needed Christmas break. I was in star-crossed like with a boy living 900 miles away, freshly off of a break-up with another boy I had been dating for 4 years (I know, I know, I am still convinced God works in the most mysterious ways.), figuring out how to cope with the loss of a friend, and in a physical location that was uncomfortable and as much like home to me as the amazon is to polar bears. I was in an incredibly tender spot in my life, 18 years old, and trying to figure it all out. All of this when I get an e-mail from my adviser telling me that I must, within 7 days, declare my major so that I can register for classes the following semester.

The most delicate time of my life and I have seven days to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life. So I bundle up, tromp through the snow to her office, and think to myself I've always liked kids, and I have wanted to be a teacher since I was a little lad myself, so I guess I'll declare an elementary education major. And that was it. I walked into her office and said... I guess I want to be a teacher. And she said, alright we'll get you registered for some elementary education classes. And I was on my way. That was it.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I don't want to be a teacher, or that teachers aren't incredibly important individuals. I am frequently told that I am going to make a great teacher, and there are days when I can't wait to have a classroom of my own and have that sort of influence on children that will allow them to be successful individuals in society, but I have always felt slightly jealous of those people who have had majors they were incredibly passionate about. The people in my life who desire to spend all of their waking hours working on their semester projects, and love every moment of it.

Last year, during a heart-to-heart conversation with Rob he asked me a question that really hit hard and has stuck with me ever since. He said "Amber, what are you passionate about? What in life fills you with pure joy, and truly inspires you?" I just stared at him..."....umm... I don't know. I really like to do arts and crafts, and color, and take pictures. I really love relationships, weddings, and spending time with people. But I don't know what my passion is..."  I could tell you that Rob lives and breathes skiing. He absolutely loves skiing, and is at a place of complete inner peace when he is on his skis. He also is incredibly passionate about architecture. He loves looking at pictures of different architectural designs, working on his own architectural designs and dreaming up ideas related to architecture. Those two things are what drive his life, he is incredibly passionate about both of them. But what is my passion? When do I feel the most joy in life? The only answer I have come up with is when I am with people that I love, but I can't make a career out of loving. So I continue to search...

And for now I'm putting my trust in God knowing that He has a wonderful, beautifully crafted plan for my life. And if I trust Him and follow Him my life will turn out quite okay!